Hello apocalypse survivors!
Today we are going to talk about Trust.
This article is based on Marco Leone's presentation at ICF. Original
was in spanish, but here will provide an english version plus some of my
own understandings.
ICF has a new fresh Coach Competence list. And on its list has one crucial element to enable a Coaching relation to grow and cultivate:
cultivates Trust and Safety
What is Trust in this context?
Is a "phenomenon" that happens in the context of our human relations.
When we lost Trust, we feel insecure, unsafe.
Trust is composed by conversations. But not any kind of conversation, but the type of conversations that can creates the future I want to have with the others.
Is a feeling or a mood that involves some judgements about the future into a relation.
- is not an accident
How can we cultivate Trust?
Sincerity, Care and Competence.
Trust is a "Skill", that includes these 3 competences.
When one of these 3 fails, Trust fall down immediately.
When we express sincerely, and we care about others good, and we show proven competence to create results, then we are creating a background where Trust can be cultivated.
Commitment is a big player in the Trust game. But its not its components. Trust will be the effect of honor our commitments.
Someone is Sincere, when there is no lies.
Someone "cares", not only when "cares about the other", but also when "I care about your good". "Care" is a feeling, and an action.
The other needs to feel cared.
For this is important to sustain the relation through Time.
Trust has many dimensions:
- How others trust on you
- How you trust on others
- How much you trust in yourself?
- How your Trust feeling, impacts in your relation with certain reality?
To Trust or to not Trust, is that the question?
In front of Trust Phenomenon, we can hold 4 types of strategies or attitudes. 2 will open possibilities, 2 will close them.
- Naive
- Negative, not constructive.
- Is to trust on anything or situation.
- Is a childish attitude in front of Life, and can drive to a disaster.
- Trusted
- Positive, constructive.
- On this level, you know that is possible that someone can lie or dishonor the commitment, but you decide to take the risk.
- Prudent
- Positive, constructive.
- The Prudent attitude, is to take all necessary measures to reduce risk.
- The Prudent person takes control and surveillance of the situation.
- The example, is when parents will give permission to a teenage daughter to go to party for the first time. They will make all necessary questions, and will take all necessary measures to avoid risk and dangers.
- Where is the party
- Who will supervise it
- Who will drive you back home and when
- When will the party ends...
- etc...
- Suspicious
- Negative, not constructive.
- Prefers to never trust in nothing, on any situation.
- This is a typical situation in persons that get hurt on a Love relation, and decides to not love anymore.
- Or those who where mistreated by managers, and then decides to not trust never again in the management.
- Or also, when managers decides to never trust in his own employees.
Why the 2 extremes are negative?
Because they can drive to negative experiences, and negative experiences will damage our skill to Trust. In us and in others.
Now we are unveiling a new Phenomenon:
Trust is not inside of you, is in the Relation.
Is a Co-Creation
We don't "coach" people
Coaching is a relation, is a dancing. You never "dance" the other. You "dance with" the partner.
Trust is not a phenomenon of Coaching, is a phenomenon of Life.
No human relation can prosper without Trust. Is an elemental basic emotion, and even it precedes "Love".
We use to think that we are in a relation with our partner, because of Love.
Did you pay attention what happens with Love, when Trust falls down?
Our Love relation falls down with it. And we would like to stop loving, on the same time that we stop trusting. But it don't works that way, and then we suffer.
On the other direction, when we Trust so much on someone, Love appears.
The Relation, as a phenomenon, brings us a new paradigm.
Power is not inside you
We have Powerful Relations
